March 15, 2016 at 11:04 AM #1836
I’m sharing this in the hope that it’s helpful.
It seems that ego is making a come-back. For several weeks, it has taken a back seat, with very little chatter. Life has been peaceful, with a lot of equanimity.
Now, I’ve had an episode of anxiety, followed by getting easily annoyed. A sense of deflation and listlessness. There’s quite a bit of disappointment at this. Ego suggesting, ‘you’re not really doing as well as you thought.’
Fortunately I had been warned to expect it. Still it’s not easy to ignore.March 16, 2016 at 5:21 AM #1837
I just feel it as things bubbling up to the surface, so it’s actually expected that things like that will pop up in order to be resolved. Not that they need to be but it tends to happen anyway. It all burns up in awareness, and if not then it’s just held there with no effort expended.
If you feel peaceful all the time but still feel like there is something missing then you should absolutely hope that some resistance will pop up because every bit of it is a platform to go deeper. Don’t ignore any of it.
For me it’s sometimes quite horrible, but not as profound as some accounts. When I have long periods resting as awareness my body gets really hot (especially my head) and sometimes there are points in my upper back that open up and release some nasty energy. It all gets very tiring for the body. At the same time, from the perspective of awareness it’s no big deal because it’s this free space that is holding the nasty experience like a barrel with no edges. It comes and goes just the same as the peaceful days that feel really nice, and the weird days where maybe there’s a mini earthquake within or some strange feeling that you can’t be sure what it even is. It all changes but awareness stays the same.March 16, 2016 at 3:13 PM #1844
Thanks Cameron.March 28, 2016 at 1:07 AM #1846
As Cameron so eloquently states, it is good that these things bubble up. We have repressed so much. Do we really want to keep repressing these things? Well, yes and no. We repressed them because we wanted to repress them and didn’t want to face what we repressed. As we wake up and become more aware what used to be called unconscious or subconscious or repressed stuff starts becoming conscious. That’s all that’s happening.
Often this repressed stuff feels pretty nasty. It usually does. This is what we work with. We work with it simply by not repressing it, not rejecting it. No matter how nasty it is, we open to it. We be space for it. Awareness rejects nothing. Why should we? We open to this nasty feeling and hold it our awareness, in our vast spaciousness. And this does two things. One because we are being space for it, it doesn’t overwhelm us. The feeling itself is one of contraction. So we experience both the contracted feeling and the spacious awareness that holds it at the same time. And that’s pretty much it. We just allow it to be here for as long as it is. We welcome it. We ask it to teach us. It is a very good teacher that we managed to stuff into the back of a crowded closet in a dark corner of the basement. Now it’s visiting us again. This time we are not going to be so rude and so afraid. it has much to teach us.
It turns out it is just our thoughts that create this nasty feeling. The repressed stuff isn’t nearly as scary as we think it is. It’s like the boogey man in the closet we were so afraid of when we were young children. it is a better lesson to open the closet door and turn on the light than to remain shivering in our bed all night. When we open the closet door and turn on the light we realize there is no boogey man in the closet. When we remain shivering in our bed, it is like repression. We’re going to keep on believing there is a boogey man there until we finally open the door, turn on the light and really see if there is.
We can be very grateful that these repressed feelings bubbling up are like the closet door opening and the light being turned on. All we have to do is look.May 17, 2018 at 8:42 PM #4957
Maksim YorshParticipantJanuary 28, 2019 at 9:06 PM #6026
Yes, Maksim. It comes and goes all the time. Such is life.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.