So, this is kind of still new for me. I think my awakening was triggered by a misdiagnosis of a serious illness. When I found out I didn’t have it, it was like everything collapsed over me because I had started to identify as the disease and NOT myself. Plus COVID and the uncertainty of what will happen in the future probably helped. The first teacher I found was Christina Lopes and I consumed her YouTube material like I couldn’t possibly get enough. At some point, I managed to find Ram Dass and when I started to read his stuff, I knew I had found my teacher and my Guru (Neem Karoli Baba or Maharajji). I have read 4 of Ram Dass books, and I have another coming soon. I have listened to 52 episodes of his podcast and plan to listen to all of them. I feel like I can’t learn enough.
There are things things that happen that I can’t explain and I attribute to my awakening, but at the same time, it’s hard to not have someone to talk to about this. My husband is very logical and pragmatic and I was frankly surprised he was ok with letting me create a puja table, but he was. He doesn’t want to hear all the weird stuff though. I am hoping to connect to more people who are experiencing this because I don’t know what to expect and it is so varied depending on the teacher or the philosophy. For example, I found myself suddenly a vegetarian. I mean, I eat cheese and butter and milk, but no meat. No chicken or read meat or pork, although sometimes I do still have seafood, but even that is on the way out I think. My whole life I have been a meat eater and loved a good steak. Now, I couldn’t eat it if you paid me. It grosses me out. I also hear things. I know that makes me sound like a loon, but there are times when I can hear something like a radio or tv on in another room, so faint enough I can’t make it out but loud enough I can hear it. Sometimes it’s music, sometimes it’s speech. I know there is nothing on in the house because it is typically when I go to bed at night that I hear it and everything is off. I can’t sleep either. I am awake before the sun and awake 10 times all night long. I am not tired during the day though, like I would expect. Sometimes I feel like I can actually feel the energy moving around inside of me when i am in meditation, but not always. I find myself totally taken in by something like a sunset or sunrise or a bird or a tree. I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing to assist this process or what I shouldn’t be doing. I am trying the best I can to NOT control things, which is an issue for me, but I am getting better. Anyone who can help me, I would love to hear from you.