N-lightenment

Something in you already knows.

The Real Wall

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Political Beliefs
The Real Wall
People can become so locked into their opinions that it becomes impossible to see anything outside of them. The words “liberal” and “conservative” are seen as “me” and “not me”. In this way, we develop a one-sided view of the world and feeling of “I am right” and everyone who doesn’t agree with me is therefore “wrong.” Communication becomes impossible because you simply parrot those who agree with you and are incapable of hearing those who do not. Neither parroting those who agree with you nor being incapable of hearing those who do not constitutes true communication nor intelligence. It simply creates a world of inner and outer anger, mistrust, fear and hatred.
 
In this case, it’s important to simply spend some time in silence and observe your consciousness. Is your life experience one of peace, happiness and love? Or do you find yourself annoyed, anxious and unhappy with the world and those who don’t agree with you? If the latter, perhaps it is really nothing other than your thoughts and opinions that are causing this unhappiness, this discontent with certain others and the world. This is not a criticism. It’s simply an opportunity to understand ourselves better. Only in this way can we understand others.
 
Most of political dialogue on both the “left” and the “right” is nothing other than this one-sided attachment to conditioned opinions. There can be no positive outcome in this way of thinking, this attachment to points of view, both for those who are attached to their views and their inability to communicate with those who don’t support their point of view. Numbers and “facts” are usually just ways of shoring up their points of view. They present the ones that support their already decided opinions and ignore the ones that do not. As far as any truth is concerned, because of their entrenched opinions, the numbers and “facts” are really quite meaningless. And this is true for both “sides” of any argument or political ideology or opinion about anything. Unless we can release our attachment to our conditioned thoughts and beliefs, no successful outcome is possible for either “side”. The “winners” of any argument or political campaign will always still remain losers as they cannot escape the prison of their own thoughts. Their lives will always remain lost in a fundamental suffering and unhappiness which they continue to see as the fault of the world and others rather than their own thoughts.
 
It doesn’t mean we can’t act in the world. But if we remain a prisoner of our thoughts, opinions and beliefs, our actions will always remain ineffective and not beneficial because we will always remain blind to the bigger picture. And we will always remain fundamentally unhappy.
 
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Understanding Spiritual Transmission and Awakening

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In my spiritual transmissions and healings, I used to feel I was a like a garden hose. One end was connected to God and the other end delivered God’s teaching or healing. I had nothing to do with it other than being a relatively clear conduit or vehicle. That’s how it felt.
 
Now I realize that even that was far too arrogant. There are an infinite number of hoses. All beings are hoses. In most adult humans, the hose is too filled up with thoughts to allow the full flow of God to pour through. The tap isn’t turned up full enough to wash all those thoughts away so they can directly experience God. They’re only experiencing a trickle and even that not consciously.
 
Anyone free of the distraction of and attachment to thoughts and an egoic separate self have the tap turned on full. Nothing is clogging up the flow. There is ONLY God. In their presence, your tap can also be turned up, as much as you allow it. The increased flow can wash away the conditioned thoughts and stubborn self identity, at least while you’re in their presence.
 
We call these beings “awake” or “enlightened”, but these are just words and mostly just confuse us with a misunderstood sense of specialness. Think of it more simply and practically as a pipe being unclogged. In the presence of a being free of attachment to thoughts and a separate self identity, a great freedom, peace, love and bliss can be experienced. This is feeling the flow of God, which is always here, pouring unobstructed through your now unclogged pipe.
 
We also use the word transmission. And this word is also misunderstood, as if the awakened being is transmitting something from them to you. You are only experiencing your True Original Nature. It has always been here. Thoughts have just clogged up the pipe preventing you from realizing it. And that’s where a spiritual plumber may be helpful. Not because he or she does anything. Their freedom alone is what does the unclogging. You know it when you feel it. It’s always been here your entire life waiting for you.

Fear – the Main Obstacle to Awakening

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The Main Obstacle to Awakening and What to Do About It

A wonderful question that many spiritual seekers have. “Does a change of this sort mean jumping off a cliff and losing everything? I’m scared of drama and terrified of irrevocable shifts.” Just last night at Satsang someone asked a very similar question. “Will abiding in this deep peace mean that the life I have worked so hard to create will fall apart?”
 
I think many people have deep questions like these. It is natural and maybe inevitable. The nature of the egoic separate self-identity we call “me” is actually created of fear. Much of this is repressed so we’re not aware of it. But as the door to awakening comes closer, we begin to become aware of the true nature of the ego, and that is fear. So this is a very deep and important question. And I’m happy to honor it.
 

Answer

Thank you for this question as its authenticity relates to many people who have the same question. This is a very deep and honest question. Just last night someone in Satsang asked this very same question. I thank you for expressing it. I feel your heart in this. So it also requires a deep and honest answer.
Yes, it does feel like we’re jumping off a cliff and risk losing everything. That is the initial fear of surrender. And, yes, we have to be willing to do that, to jump off this imaginary but very real feeling cliff and to risk losing everything, to surrender everything. That’s why it takes great courage. Eventually we just have to do it. Jump off the cliff, surrender absolutely everything.
 
This is not a place for careful, cautious stages. Surrender is a very bold move when the very nature of the separate self is fear. And it is. So the fear of doing this is natural and inevitable. The separate ego self identity is made entirely out of fear, fear of not surviving. And to surrender fully, we are saying, “Yes, even this. Even death.”
 

What We Lose and What We Gain

This all sounds like very bad news. It is what the ego is afraid of. The good news is we give up everything, we surrender everything, we lose everything, including ourself AND as a result, we GAIN everything. We have only really surrendered our attachment, an illusion. What we gain is reality. We gain the world. We gain relationships that were never possible before. We gain peace. We gain love. We gain a complete uninterrupted contentment, gratitude and joy. We gain freedom. We gain life. And we gain our True Self.
 
What we lose (illusion) pales in comparison to the unlimited magnitude of what we gain. So this news is very, very good. But you can only know this when you take the leap. My words are only encouragement if you take them that way. I’m saying, “Jump in. The water is fine. It’s wonderful.” But you have to jump. I can’t do that for you.
 
I know it’s terrifying to take that leap. Every awakened being has done this. And all have experienced this terror. It is part of the nature of waking up. And this terror is a big obstacle. Some never pass through it. In my case it was experience the terror and do it anyway. Not initially. I backed off many times. But finally, I took the leap. And then another. And then another. Eventually I realized this fear had no reality to it. I only realized this because I tested it again and again and what I feared never happened.
 
I gave up all my talent as an artist and creative person. The result turned out to be more talent and creativity than I ever imagined possible. I gave up my relationships or ever having a relationship ever again. The result was the flowering of all existing relationships and new relationships beyond anything I would have thought possible. Everything I gave up came back to me in abundance. How could I know this? I didn’t. I just surrendered.
 
I gave up a limited, vulnerable, separate self identity and realized This, the unlimited, infinite, beyond all possibility of identity. Nobody who has ever awakened to Truth said, “I wish I didn’t do that. Is it possible to return to illusion again?” No awakened being has ever said that. Nobody ever will.
 
It’s worth the leap. It’s worth all the struggle and seeking and suffering that helped to open this door. Even a single moment of this great presence is worth a thousand lifetimes. I know the fear, My Friend. And I know what happens when you leap anyway and discover for yourself what happens. Nobody has ever said all that went before was not worth This. Thank you for the wonderful question that so many also hold deep in their hearts.

The Inner War

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inner-warThere’s a war going on inside. It’s a conflict between the ego and truth. It’s a strange war because only the ego is fighting it.

But it’s fighting hard.

It’s fighting for its life.

The Kingdom Lives in Peace … Sort Of

Until we have our first awakening experience, we’re not aware of this war. The ego is firmly enthroned. It’s the absolute ruler of its domain. It sees very few real threats to its dominance. It doesn’t mean this is a peaceful kingdom. There are constant small threats. But for each insult and attack, the ego re-builds itself. These attacks are all external. They’re outside the walls of the ego’s castle. The ego can handle this. It may not be a happy kingdom but the ego remains the ruler of it. And that’s all the ego really wants.

The First Volley is Fired

But then one day something happens. A great and sudden feeling of freedom arises seemingly out of nowhere. It doesn’t come from outside. It comes from right inside these castle walls. And, for a moment, it completely sweeps the ego right off its throne.

Like any powerful ruler, the ego is upset. Clearly it’s been attacked by a formidable enemy. Difficult as the challenges from outside the castle walls have been, this new attack is totally disorienting. And what’s even worse, it feels incredibly good. Where the external attacks always left the ego feeling small, weak and vulnerable, this new attack feels wonderful, overflowing with freedom, peace, love and bliss. It’s a completely different type of threat and the ego doesn’t know what to do with it. When this new attack comes, the great freedom that is felt is freedom from the ego itself.

How can a king rule its kingdom if the king isn’t even here?

Awareness of the Inner War Begins

After our first taste of this great freedom, we become aware of this inner struggle between the ego, which we had always experienced as ourself, and something else. We don’t know what this something else is. We only know it’s accompanied by a great and profound feeling of freedom, peace, unconditional love and total well-being. We don’t know where this comes from or how or why it happens. But it is here. We experience it. This cannot be denied. Except the ego does deny it.

It denies it.

It tries to explain it and understand it in limited dualistic terms that limit and distort the life right out of it.

And, although it sometimes seems to seek it (spiritual ego), it sabotages this freedom at every turn.

The Ego Releases Its Big Guns

As these experiences of freedom become more frequent, the ego brings out its big guns.

There is the big gun of pride. “I’m special. I’m waking up. I’m becoming enlightened.”

There is the big gun of doubt. “I can’t do it. I’m not good enough. I’ll never wake up.” And the always popular favorite: “Maybe I’m going crazy.” Doubt is just the flip side of pride. They work well with each other, frequently changing places at a moment’s notice.

Fear

And there’s the biggest gun in the ego’s whole arsenal: fear. When the ego is most threatened by truth, it always relies on this big gun. Fear says, “Back off. To go any further is dangerous. If you continue, terrible things will happen to you. If you continue, you will die.” The fear of death is a wonderful threat. How are you going to wake up if you’re dead?

Fear is very effective. It’s often fear that stops the Seeker from waking up, at least for awhile.

The ego has an inside track on fear, an unfair advantage. It knows exactly what you’re most afraid of. It knows every thought and fear you have, because it’s you – kind of. The ego is like a very small and extremely limited, abstracted, thought-based version of you. Like Mini-Me in the Austin Powers movies. But a lot less real. 🙂

Since it’s not really you, only pretending, and it’s gotten away with it for so long, you can begin to see why it’s so afraid of truth. And truth is what you’re beginning to experience.

That’s good for you.

But not so good for the ego.

How Fear Backfires for the Ego

Although fear can stop you from progressing deeper into Truth for awhile, unless you’re very courageous and determined, in the long run it doesn’t work. The sheer unpleasantness of these barrages of fear cause you to take a closer look at the ego. And because of these fear tactics, you don’t like what you see. The contrast between the fear, despair and general suffering of the ego and the wonderful freedom, peace, love and well-being you experience as your True Self motivate you to spend increasingly more time in this great space of freedom from the ego. It just feels so much better. And this contrast only makes it all the more obvious. So the ego’s attempt to prevent you from waking up actually motivates you to wake up even sooner.

They’re Only Thoughts

As you spend more time in truth, you begin to realize through direct experience that all those fears which once overwhelmed you are really only thoughts. They actually have no power over you at all. At this point you naturally lose your attachment to and belief in thoughts. You realize they’re only thoughts. Thoughts no longer have power over you.

And one of those thoughts is the ego itself.

Truth Wins the War without Firing a Single Shot

You may notice that only the ego was fighting this war. Truth never fired a single shot. It never needed to. When we begin paying attention, truth is simply truth. It doesn’t need to prove itself, as the ego does. No matter what happens, truth simply remains what it is.

When we realize that all thoughts are simply thoughts, not reality, not truth, they lose power over us. Fear, the biggest gun in the ego’s entire arsenal, no longer has any power over us at all. It’s just another thought.

In this way, the inner war comes to an end. The ego takes its rightful place, not as the ruler, but as a servant, a servant of truth.

 

 

Awakening Experiences

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It’s interesting to see what the experiences of others is. And perhaps you can see what is common to all of them. Please understand that you will have your own experience. Everyone’s conditioning has this same commonality and is also completely unique. So your experience of awakening will also be unique. What is common to all these experiences as well as what you will experience is the end of ego, self-identification. But it will happen to you in your own completely unique and beautiful way, like the blooming of a flower in Springtime.

 

A Sacred Place

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a-sacred-placeI always learn so much every time I meditate up on top of Cathedral Rock in Sedona. It is a great teacher to me. I imagine that Ramana Maharshi didn’t just worship Arunachala, the holy mountain where he lived, but that he too learned from it. It might be strange to say that a rock can teach us. But I cannot deny this for it is so.

I have a very powerful connection with Cathedral Rock. There are many sacred places in Sedona I could choose to spend time with. But Cathedral Rock has called me, probably not that different from Ramana being called from his home by the holy mountain Arunachala. I can’t really explain it. Perhaps everyone has a sacred place that calls them. They just may not have heard it yet.

Ramana / Arunachala

Actually there is no place on earth that is not sacred. But some specific places seem to call to us with more force than others. I don’t know why this is.

a-rockThe Koan

Over five years ago, when I was first called to Sedona, I was given this koan: “The rocks and you are exactly the same. There is not an inch of difference between you.” Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that the name Peter means rock. But that’s not what this koan is about. If you are not familiar with the term koan, it is a Zen practice for awakening. It is a simple phrase Zen teachers give to their students like, “Show me your Original Face before your parents were born.” When this phrase sinks deeply into the student’s consciousness, it is like a seed deeply planted in fertile soil. Eventually this seed grows and blossoms into a beautiful and profound awakening. Unlike the seed of a plant, the seed of a koan continues blossoming as there is no end to awakening. It blossoms infinitely.

This koan was given to me by the rocks, specifically Cathedral Rock and Thunder Mountain. You could also say it was given to me by the infinite consciousness that all things emerge from. It is the same thing. This koan sunk deeply into my consciousness. And it continues to blossom every day manifesting in beautiful flowers of increasingly deep insight.

tree8Tree People

For the last month or so every time I pass one certain tree on my ascent up Cathedral Rock, out of the corner of my eye I very clearly see a person. I alway look and there is not a person, but that same tree. It’s strange that this would always happen the same way at the same spot with that same tree. Today I realized why. In my previous life, I didn’t just consider humans people. I considered trees, tree people, rocks, rock people, birds, bird people. That was my relationship with all that is. I had a great deal of respect and love for all that is. I didn’t see human people as better than tree people, rock people or bird people. There was an experience of Oneness. When I said, “All my ancestors.” there was nothing left out of that expression. My ancestors included trees, rocks, birds, the sun, the stars, the great mother earth herself. This was a few hundred years ago and today, in our sophisticated modern society, some people may consider this primitive. But I don’t consider it primitive at all. I consider it truth.

And what Cathedral Rock did was simply remind me of this, remind me of my old ways, remind me of truth that much of our modern, sophisticated society seems to have forgotten. This is what I mean when I say that Cathedral Rock is always teaching me.

But that wasn’t the only lesson I was to receive today. When I reached the top, I sat in meditation as I always do, welcoming and being welcomed by the sun, the rocks and the wind. Since it was a weekend, there were many people up there. Cathedral Rock is one of the most popular hiking destinations in Sedona. This is not the first time I wondered why I was called to such a popular place when there are far quieter and more remote places to meditate. Today Cathedral Rock showed me why.

Human People

Human people are generally a pretty noisy bunch. They love to talk and comment on whatever is going on. And this trait may be even more prominent when they are on vacation and they come upon such a beautiful place. I’ve gotten used to this, but I can’t say I enjoy it. And don’t forget, Cathedral Rock is a very holy place for me. What some people may experience entering a great cathedral, an ashram or a Zen monastery, I experience on Cathedral Rock. It is a very sacred space for me. And with all the noise going on, it’s sometimes a little hard to hear what the rocks have to tell me.

Today I learned that much of my reaction was due to traumas I experienced as a child. My father used to tell me that “humans are the number one bad animal”. He loved animals and all nature, but he didn’t feel the same about humans. He said that humans are the only species that kill each other and they kill other species just for fun. He spent a long time in the military during World War II. He began before the US was even involved. He saw a lot of death up close. Both my parents were alcoholic and there was a lot of violence in my home. I learned early on to be afraid of adult humans. And this fear and reason for fear was reinforced outside the home as well.

Sitting up on Cathedral Rock, I felt completely at one with the rock people, the tree people, the sky people, the sun people, the wind people, the bird people. I felt at home, at one and in love with all these people, with only one exception – the human people. This reflected my early childhood as well. I could sit out in the middle of the forest on a pitch black moonless night, listening to the sounds of the night animals, and feel completely safe and at home. In fact, I felt completely at one with everything in nature. I did this a lot because it was not always as safe in my house. In my house, there were humans. And they didn’t make me feel safe the way I felt in the forest. And here, up on Cathedral Rock, I was experiencing this again. I wasn’t afraid of the humans who were chattering away. But I was resisting them. I was not including them in the great circle of oneness that included everything else. This was a great and valuable teaching for me. That is why this popular, crowded place, filled with chattering humans, was the perfect place for my spiritual practice and education.

Little by little, I included the humans into this circle of oneness, this circle of unconditional love, this circle of truth. I realized that everything that I perceived, the rocks, trees, sun, wind were all simply expressions of this one, infinite, formless, un-manifested presence. I could feel this deeply throughout my entire being. And I was also none other than an expression of this infinite, eternal presence. So why leave humans out of this truth? Everything is an expression of this one timeless presence. And everything IS this one timeless presence. And that means all humans, just like these wonderful humans chattering away up here. And then I opened completely. I was no longer resisting. Rocks, trees, wind, birds, humans all one expression of the infinite and timeless presence. My heart exploded in love. It reached throughout all space and time. And then I saw the exquisite beauty of these humans. While I was resisting, I could not see it. This essential goodness was radiating from all of them. One young man climbed down a very steep part of the rock to retrieve plastic water bottles other hikers had thrown there. Another man was talking about working with autistic children and I could feel his love and compassion. Everywhere the flower of humanity was revealed to me. What I had perceived as annoying chattering showing a lack of respect for this sacred space, I now realized was instead pure love. It could no longer be hidden by my previous stored and repressed traumas.

For most of us, it is relatively easy to love nature and feel comfortable in nature, just as it is for me. Humans are more challenging. But humans are also nature and cannot be separate from nature. Humans are a bit of a paradox. On one hand they are the only species we know of who can fully awaken to their True Infinite Self. On the other hand few ever do. Although that is beginning to change. But, even at their most ignorant, they are pure expressions of the infinite and eternal presence that is the source and substance of all things. I guess sometimes I forget that. And, like a great teacher and loving mother, Cathedral Rock always seems to give me exactly what I need exactly when I need it.

I’m feeling that my next stop may be Times Square in New York. If I can sit in the middle of that bustling caldron of humanity and feel nothing but perfect peace and love, I think the lesson begun on top of Cathedral Rock will have truly manifested. It may take a little longer than an hour. I may have to give it a few days. Life gives us so many opportunities to practice, to learn, to grow. Whatever we need always arises as soon as we need it. The trick is paying attention. Throughout most of my life I missed most of these great gifts, almost all of them. I didn’t know how to pay attention. I didn’t even know I should. I lived in a dream world. Until I began meditating, I didn’t even know how to be quiet enough to pay attention. But that’s okay. That’s the course of a human life. We’re always moving, always evolving, always learning. Truth has never been kept from us. We’ve just spent a lot of time being distracted and not paying attention. When we begin paying attention, we begin to see our sacred place everywhere.