N-lightenment

Something in you already knows.

A Mountain Monk

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A Mountain Monk
When I say I am a monk, people often ask me what kind of monk. Am I a Buddhist monk? A Zen monk? Am I affiliated with a certain monastery or lineage?
 
I suppose I should say I am a mountain monk. I learn from the mountains. The mountains are my teachers and my lineage. I have a Zen lineage also that goes back thousands of years all the way to Shakyamuni Buddha. But my main lineage is these mountains and it is far older.
 
I don’t only learn from these mountains. I learn from everything. The sun, the stars, the wind, the birds, the coyotes, the mountain lion, snakes, spiders and ants are all my noble teachers. I learn from people too. People like Buddha, Dogen, Ramana Maharshi, Thich Nhat Hanh and Mooji understand mountain wisdom too and so I learn from them.
 
And I learn from other people as well. From the media and conversations, I learn to trust my mind and opinions. I learn that some things are good and some bad. I learn pride, arrogance, disappointment, anger, judgment and fear. I learn suffering. And I learn confusion because most people do not understand mountain wisdom. And if I spend too much time listening to their thoughts and opinions or my own, I don’t either.
 
So mostly I just listen to the mountains. The mountains teach me silence and stillness. They teach a timeless wisdom affected by neither birth nor death. Do not imagine that mountains cannot speak. They are always speaking. Do not imagine that mountains are limited to this planet or that they were not here before this planet. Do not imagine that these mountains have any limitations at all. Do not imagine that there is a hair’s breadth of separation between you and these mountains, because that is not what mountains teach.
 
When you understand the wisdom of mountains, you may learn to speak the language of mountains. People being people, not many will understand you. They are still listening to their thoughts. But some will.

Zen Circle of Enlightenment

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Zen Circle of Enlightenment
Zen Circle of Enlightenment

Awakening from the dream of conceptual thinking follows a certain route and process. The Zen Circle of Enlightenment is a useful way of understanding this. This post does not cover the practices that help this evolve. It simply shows the route and process of what happens for freedom from the conceptual world to be directly experienced and lived. Click here to download this graphic: Zen Circle of Enlightenment

Zero Degrees – The Beginning

We begin in this map at zero degrees. We are completely attached to our thoughts. We see the world and ourself completely through thoughts, concepts and beliefs. We don’t yet realize that these are just abstractions of reality and not reality itself. We believe this conceptual world IS reality. We believe our thoughts ARE reality. In spiritual terms we might say we are living completely in a dream or illusion.

90 Degrees – The First Step Toward Freedom

When we begin a spiritual practice, we move to 90 degrees on this map. We start learning new concepts,  spiritual concepts. We leave some of our old concepts and beliefs behind and pick up new ones. If we read and study The Heart Sutra, for instance, we might now say that Form is Emptiness and Emptiness is Form, where at zero degrees we were believing that Form is Form and Emptiness is Emptiness.

We can get very excited about our new discoveries. They feel very liberating. We find new friends who are also practicing these new ways of thinking and experiencing. We find new teachers who lead us deeper into these new ideas and beliefs. It’s a very exciting time. But it can also be a little frustrating. We’ve got all these new and exciting concepts and beliefs, but somehow we’re still not awake. Somehow we still experience suffering in our lives. We may even tell ourselves that we are free and awake because we’ve had some amazing experiences, but deep inside we know this is not true. Deep inside, we still experience an incompleteness.

That’s because, even though these are new and exciting thoughts and beliefs, they are still only thoughts and beliefs. Reality is completely beyond all thoughts and beliefs, even spiritual ones. Given the powerful conditioning we’ve all undergone, it may be hard to accept this. But eventually, through frustration and continued suffering if nothing else, we break through. We break through the barrier of thought.

180 Degrees – The First Glimpse of Freedom

In Zen koan practice, we call this The First Gate. The purpose of our koan practice is to introduce this impossible impasse, barrier or gate that the mind of thought cannot get through. No matter how hard we try, none of our usual mental strategies work. The only way through is without the mind. Finally, in that great breakthrough, body and mind drop away. Because this is beyond the mind, there is nothing we can say about it. None of our mental labels can describe what this is. In Zen, we call this Emptiness. It is completely beyond all words and thoughts. It is not nothing. It is not everything. It is not inside. It is not outside. It is not duality. It is not nonduality. It is not self. It is not other. It is not existing, nor is it not existing. There is absolutely nothing we can say about this.

Now we have come face to face with reality, but we don’t yet know what this is. All our words, concepts, beliefs, knowledge and previous experiences cannot touch this. All the spiritual knowledge and experiences we accumulated at 90 degrees cannot touch this at all. We are completely emptied out and all there is is reality itself.

Quite often people become a little unsettled and resistant to this complete freedom at first. They may quickly resort to thoughts in an attempt to exert at least a little imagined control. That’s unfortunate, but it’s the nature of the conditioned mind. The longer we stay in this freedom from thought, the more wonderful we realize it is. Here we are directly experiencing life, reality, without any thoughts getting in the way. The longer we stay here, the more we realize that this is the very source of the peace, love, contentment, freedom, creativity and wisdom we have been seeking. This is it. This is our True Self, even if there is not a thing we can say about it.

Because this freedom from thought is so liberating, we can also become attached to this stage and not move on and embody it in the world for the benefit of all beings. Eventually most of us do want to do this. We realize we are not separate from any being, unconditional love is our very nature, and so we move on.

270 Degrees – Embodying Freedom

At 270 Degrees, we’re free to use language, concepts, and thoughts without any attachment to them. They’re just language, concepts and thoughts. They have no reality or validity beyond that. When they’re useful, beneficial and appropriate, we use them. Otherwise we remain silent. Great creativity flows through some of us in this stage. But we’re not attached to it. It doesn’t even feel like we’re doing anything. It’s simply happening by itself. It’s simply life happening.

Some us find ourselves as spiritual teachers here. We feel called to help others discover this great freedom and liberation from suffering. Although people may become attached to our words, we never are. And we do our best to encourage them to see all our words as merely pointers to something beyond words and thoughts. It is never the words we are pointing towards. It is always the freedom beyond words and thoughts.

Although we’ve learned to use words and concepts again to communicate, the underlying emptiness and freedom remains. In the Zen tradition teachers often say things that sound like nonsense to the conditioned mind in an effort to help serious students break free of the prison of their conditioned thoughts. That’s the purpose of Zen koans. When we’re free of the conceptual dream world, what appeared as nonsense is completely understood as pointing directly at reality. It’s often a time of great hilarity, without any thoughts about why it’s so funny.

Here we’re free to use words, thoughts and actions in any way they are truly beneficial without having the slightest attachment to them. It’s like being a bucket without a bottom. Whatever pours in immediately leaves without a trace. In this way, we live in freedom. In the Christian bible, it’s called living in the world but not of it.

360 Degrees – Returning Home As Freedom

At 360 degrees on this circle, we have returned home. We live fully in the world, but without any attachment or resistance to any of it. We live in complete freedom. Now we can say that “mountains are mountains” without any attachment or belief in these words. The difference between saying “mountains are mountains” at zero degrees with attachment and belief and saying “mountains are mountains” at 360 degrees with complete freedom is profound. From the outside, it may appear that these are the same, but they are not at all. No longer imprisoned by our thoughts, no longer imprisoned by a sense of separation, we are free to be fully in the world and act in the highest benefit for all beings.

That doesn’t mean our journey has ended. In one sense it has just begun. But it’s no longer a personal self with needs and goals taking this journey. The journey is happening by itself. In every moment it is unfolding fresh, new and alive. Whatever arises in each moment is the journey. And each moment is fully complete in and of itself. There is no longer a desire to get something or get somewhere. The fullness of life is revealed in every moment. What more could be asked for? This is returning home.

 

 

 

 

Eating Zen – The Meal Gatha 2

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Eating Zen – The Meal Gatha (9 minutes)
This is part of the Awakening Tool Kit – Awakening Practices for Daily Life. Zen is not just about sitting on a cushion. It is about every moment of our daily life. This beautiful meal gatha from Thich Nhat Hanh helps us be aware of the wonderful reality of life. Every time we sit down to eat is an opportunity to awaken.

You can download a pdf file of this Meal Gatha here: Meal Gatha Download

What Is the True Self?

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Many people have questions about the True Self and non-duality. What is the True Self? What is non-duality? Perhaps this simple illustration can help.

The Ocean

Imagine a vast infinite ocean. It shouldn’t be hard. You can use this image if you like. But imagine this ocean has no borders at all. It is limitless, infinite.

Now imagine that water molecules from the ocean rise up into the sky, become clouds and then turn to rain and return again to the vast infinite ocean. Now imagine that you have frozen these drops of ocean in their movement, like you would freeze frame a movie scene on your computer. Each of these droplets appear to be different. And each appear, when frozen like this, to be separate from the ocean from which they came and which they are in the process of returning.

If you look closely at these droplets, you can see that one appears to be a tree, another a mountain, another a bird. Another droplet appears as your body. Other droplets appear as your thoughts and feelings. Everything you perceive in the world, the world itself, appears as these droplets, frozen in time. The concept of time itself is another droplet. The self that you imagine you are appears as another droplet which perceives all these other droplets. Each droplet appears different and separate from all the others. The mountain is larger than the tree. Your thoughts are different and separate from your body. You are separate from all the other droplets. When the droplets are frozen in time like this, each droplet appears to have its own life, its own individuality, its own reality.

Awakening

Awakening happens when you let go of this artificial freeze frame and all the droplets suddenly return to the ocean which they have really never been apart from the whole time. The ocean is the True Self. When you realize yourself as the True Self, as the vast infinite ocean, you can now see these droplets more clearly. They have never been frozen in time as you imagined. They are continuously changing in every moment. And they have never been separate from the ocean.

Look closely at any droplet and you can clearly see it is the ocean and could never be separate from the ocean. The droplet that temporarily appears as a tree, a mountain, a bird, a butterfly, a person has never been separate from the ocean, has never been separate from the True Self. Your body, your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences, your sense of being a separate self have never at any time been separate from this vast ocean, from the True Self.

No droplet has ever been separate from any other droplet because no droplet has ever been other than the True Self. Awakening is simply returning to this realization, the realization of what you are and have always been.

Imagine all appearances, mountain, rivers, people, planets, galaxies, the entire cosmos to be droplets of water, arising from and returning to this vast ocean and never for a single moment ever possibly being separate from it. This is the True Self. Everything appears in it. Everything arises from it. Everything returns to it. And nothing has ever not been it.

The Return

At any moment we can let the freeze frame go and drop effortlessly into this vast infinite ocean of the True Self. Why not now? If a thought is troubling you, stop holding on to it, stop freezing it into some form of artificial reality. Let it return to the ocean in its natural way. Let yourself return to the ocean in its natural way.

The Droplets

The appearances are real in many respects. They arise from the vast ocean and return to it. But they have never been separate from it, no matter how it appears. This is the realization we awaken to. This is the reality we awaken to. We see both the appearance and the True Self at the same time. We recognize ourself as both a limited mind / body and as the vast infinite True Self at the same time. Both are true. One is true temporarily and in a very limited and impermanent way. The other is always true and in an unlimited, permanent way.

It is natural after awakening that our attention remains mostly on what is always true, unlimited and unchanging. This gives us both a greater love and appreciation (on many levels including the unlimited unchanging one) of the temporary appearances along with a lack of attachment and resistance to them. This is why suffering ends with awakening.

Dissolving the Dream

I hope this gives a clearer picture of what the True Self is pointing to. It cannot truly be understood with the mind. It must be experienced directly. Because it is always here, always true and is the fundamental basis of all life, the direct experience of this is never far from you. Simply stop the freeze frame, the reification of thoughts and beliefs, and let go. Falling back into this vast infinite ocean is wonderful. Dissolving back into it even more so. What dissolves has never actually existed. It was only a dream. Only an imagined freeze frame of the movie of life. When the dream dissolves, all that remains is Truth, all that remains is the True Self. And that has always been here.

 

 

Tomislav’s Dream

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When a sleeping dream can be more real than waking life. This is a profound dream that points directly to Truth.

October 4, 2017
Hello Peter,

I must admit I use sometimes the possibility to contact you without outer reason.

I can not explain why….it is an addition to Satsang and satisfies something in me. Your words always have an effect. I also try not to overdo it.

This morning I had a very strange dream:

I was a German soldier (not exactly sure about it) somewhere in Russia, on a small farm, there was a farmhouse and a barn. A nice sunny day in spring. There where a small boy and a little older girl, but both small children.

I knew there was danger, and I took the boy up, holding him while he hugged me arround my neck, and the girl grabbed my hand. I rushed to go around the house, as there was danger behind me.

Then shots were fired and bullets pierced my back. I did my best to cover the children as I was falling down, so to protect them with my body.

More shots were fired, piercing my body. I was motionless, could not move. I was dead, but satisfied that children were alive. After some time children began to move, trying to get free of my heavy body. I got fear that they will remain pinched down with my heaviness and will die of starvation, but they manage to come free.

They went little back and found their dead father. After that they come to me again. I then recognize I am not dead yet, children know that and come to me, as I am the only one left who cares about them. I want to say something nice to them, but cannot speak Russian. Then I remember few words and tell them: “Ja ljublju vas” (I love you).

At that moment I recognize that I am dying and that I am not only speaking to the children, I speak to all this beautiful existence, to all that life, to all this unbeliaveable beauty, now as I am leaving it all forever.

I see the beauty in everything, this wonderful colors of grass in front of me, and some purple flowers behind it. With my last strength I grab the grass to feel it one last time, to smell it, to enjoy life as it is.

I now see our stupid and futile ways in that we spend our precious moments, wasting them away in trying to conquer, do and own and in similar stupid ways….when we have just to be here and appreciate this wonder of wonders.

I begine to die, all is being stripped away from me….the full tragedy not of dying, but of never really have lived strikes me like a fist.

At this time I began to be conscious of dreaming (although on some level I always was). I know I have to let it go, to die and be free. But my mind kicks in, I recognize I cannot do anything. Dream and waking state mixes, and before the twister that was stripping me of everything could finish his work….I wake up.

I recognize my usual ways of behaving and thinking has took over, and I lost the possibility of seeing life as it is. I know how I do it, but I cannot change it. It is not in my power to decide when and if I will be free. But gratitude for that insight was in me.

That is all Peter, I shared a dream with you. If you have some words for me I will listen gladly.

I am helpless. I can not find right words to communicate what I feel for you and about your effect on me.

Just thanks and love and gratitude. I am so happy that I have a chance to be in your presence on Satsangs. I will be with you this Saturday if possible. But I also often feel your presence or influence on me.

Tomislav

October 5, 2017
Wow, Tomislav. I am very moved by this dream. It is beautiful. You are a hero, a Bodhisattva, helping all the world even at the loss of your own life. This is very beautiful. I am touched by this. And then you see life as it is, the miracle, the incredible, fragile beauty. Wonderful dream. It has a lot to do with truth. This is the true you. It is interesting because in the dream you experience reality. Then when you wake up you go into the common human dream. 

If you agree, I would like to share this letter on Facebook. This is a dream of truth. Then when you wake up, the powerful habit of conditioning covers over this realization that you had in the dream. This is common. When we wake up from sleeping, immediately the mind-created world goes to work. This is my bed. This is my room. This is my body. This is what I need to do today. It is all so familiar. I am so familiar. The miracle of life as it is, of what I am, is covered over by our waking dream. 

This means you are very close. You see all of this. You experience all of this. You realize all of this. Even your frustration about it is good. It shows your direction is very strong. 

This dream is so amazing. It points to the entire human drama, the ignorance of truth and the realization of truth. Everything is in this dream. It is amazingly profound. Thank you for sharing it with me. It completely touches my heart. 

I would not worry too much about your conditioned thinking taking over. More and more I see this falling away by itself. Just continue with what you are doing. You have seen reality, even if only in a dream, but a very special dream. It’s wonderful, beyond any words. It is natural for a shift to happen. This is better. In your daily waking life, you will notice more shifts, more cracks in the veil of the waking dream, where you can see these miracles of life be revealed. This will happen naturally. Don’t be in a hurry. And don’t let your intention go. Keep your intention strong, but instead of doing and trying so much, relax, observe and pay attention. Pay attention to life. Listen. Life itself is always showing you, teaching you, just as in having this wonderful dream. 

You are open. You are ready. And so more and more you will see what life is showing you. What a great adventure. I am so happy for this. I am so happy for you. 

Thank you for sharing this with me, Tomislav. And if you give me permission I will be happy to share this with others who may be as touched by it as I am. 

Love,

Peter

October 5, 2017
Dear Peter,

of course you can share it.

Thank you again for your words, they are as always a beacon of light for me.

It is as you say, I’m allowed more and more glimpses. Few days ago, as I was doing my physical exercises in the morning, a beam of sunlight lit a small part in front of me. I was in an instant blinded by the beauty of the moment. It was clear for me that the only place where beauty can exist is now….and a timeless now. Not few milliseconds later. Not when you think about it. It was so clear. And then I began to think how I can convey what was seen and little later the movie of my life was on again. But what was seen can not vanish. It is here. The cracks you are talking about. I will do as you advise, pay attention to life and relax more (I think that is happening anyway, by itself).

Thank you again and I am so blessed to have met you

Tomislav

The Emails – A Journey of Awakening

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This a wonderful correspondence that happened over a four month period. It is like a document of the awakening process. It demonstrates the opening to Truth in someone who is very determined and committed. And it shows the gradual growth, transformation, deepening and consistency of Truth over this period. You can also see where great fear arises as part of this process. But when determination is strong enough, it cannot hold us back. It is a wonderful teaching. I hope you can experience the love and joy that emerges when this energy is directly experienced and shared. My gratitude to Susanne for allowing me to share this with you. 

July 3, 2017
dear peter, thank you again for allowing me to ask questions to you. I am so thankful for that. I am on this path for lifetimes but since 2015 I know that there is even no path. there is just NOTHING. this was “just” a short insight during a vipassana retreat but it was so profound that I went to moojis after that to join a 10 days retreat at monte sahaja. in this retreat another experience took place for nearly two days: I realised that I am not this body. I saw it, I saw how it functioned – but it was, better to say it IS – not me. after I wrote my message to you I had the same experience again. i woke up in the night and there was just nothing – nobody (in words : NO BODY), no I, no me, no mine. It was so powerful but at the same time I could “watch” the ego trying to “come back”. I was falling asleep again and in the morning the “I” was there again. mooji says that “we” have to comb out the ego but who does this combing out? my experience is that it is going back and forward. sometimes I am just nothing and then ego comes back. it is exhausting and joyful at the same time and I have the feeeling that it is itself combing out. there is nothing to do, it happens on its own. am I right? do you have any other advice? since 2015 I do not sit any longer regulary in formal meditation because in every single free moment during the day my mind comes back to this empty space inside of … me?  I really hope my english is good enough, thank you again for your help. there is no other desire than the full realisation of the truth – its such a paradox because I know that I am already THIS. susanne

 July 6, 2017
Yes, Susanne, this is wonderful. 

It combs out by itself. 

There is a time of back and forth movement during this transition. This is very natural. Freedom, lack of freedom, freedom, lack of freedom. But notice that each time the freedom is becoming deeper. It’s subtle, but pay attention. You will see this. And the times in lack of freedom are shorter. Again, in the beginning this shift is subtle. When it becomes 50/50. Half the time in freedom, half the time not, that is the tipping point. And it is working by itself. It is evolution. 

At some point the time in freedom will be so deep, so complete, that it will outshine everything else. This happens after the 50/50 tipping point. Then you will spend much more time in freedom. And the time in lack of freedom, illusion will just no longer interest you. You will recognize it. You feel it in the body, a sense of constriction, boundedness. But you now know what you are. Boundless, limitless, beyond any personal identity. And you know the feeling of personal identity, of limitation, boundedness, lack of freedom are just thoughts, just a concept, what you have previously believed you were but now no longer do. So this experience of limitlessness just outshines the previous experience of self, of concepts, of identity, of everything. 

It is a natural process. Because of your deep commitment you have a taste of it. Because of the taste you know it exists. Because you know it exists you will naturally spend more time here. Because you spend more time here it will naturally be integrated and be your natural state. That is the process. There is not much we do at this point. Spend as much time in silence and solitude as possible to avoid distractions pulling you away while this is integrating. Give it this room to integrate. 

It sounds like you are doing everything right. I am very happy to hear this. 

You ARE already this and have always been this and there is nothing we can say about this. It is beyond concepts. And yet for a very long time you and all humans have not been aware of This. We identified with this idea of a self and it felt very real. The more we experience what we really are, beyond a self, the more those other identities just naturally fall away with no effort on our part. This is doing this. Truth is coming to the surface because we are no longer avoiding it, distracting from it, putting our attention on thoughts. Now we are able to realize it. It’s wonderful. And this wonderfulness keeps us here longer and longer. It is very natural. And you are deep in the process. Now it unfolds by itself. All we need to do is cooperate with the natural flow of it. It does ask for some quiet, silence, isolation, free of distractions. That’s all it asks for. It does all the rest. Also be open to everything. Every thought and feeling too, even distractions, even resistance should any still arise. Everything. Truth rejects nothing and attaches to nothing. We are always safe here in this great infinite Presence. 

Wonderful. Wonderful. I’m very happy to receive this email. Yay!!!

Love,

Peter

July 7, 2017
dear peter, I have no words yet how thankful I am for your email. I feel so much gratitude for your words and for YOU spending your precious time on this letter to me. I read your words again and again today. and every time I read your letter I can see how deep your words are. thank you for being a witness for the process of this awakening. and thank you for the guidance. I really appreciate your advices and will follow them with all my heart. I already noticed that the freedom becomes deeper and there is less interest in the illusion – but I am not sure if it already became 50/50. but its ok because I know its a process. after reading your email tears came up. I already knew that the Truth started to unfold anyhow but now I feel more certain about that. And there is no way back, this makes me very very happy. I have no idea how long the “back and forth time” will last and very often I can “feel” the ego, “my person” like a kind of “taste” which “colors” the Truth (I hope you understand) but the good thing is that I KNOW that there is only the Truth. even when “I” forget it sometimes. If you don’t mind I will write to you again when an urgent question arises. I feel so blessed. thank you so much, sending you love, susanne

July 7, 2017
Yes, Susanne, write whenever you like. I am very happy to help in any way I can. This is my purpose to help people make this transition. It benefits all of us. All of existence benefits as soon as any being awakens. So of course I am happy to help. 🙂

There is a time when the “I” lets go of doing anything, even trying to awaken, which it actually can’t do. Awakening is freedom from the illusion of the “i”. A powerful illusion that 99.99999% of all humanity is deeply hypnotized by. And there is a very good reason for this as well. But you are awakening, so you are beyond the need for this. 

Knowing when the “I” is back, when there is a feeling of limitation, often this is noticed first in the body as a sense of contraction or constriction, limitation, is wonderful awareness. This is one of the most important realizations for the full transition. It can’t “sneak up on you” any longer, or not nearly as much. When it does, you know it. And because you know something else, it will become easier and easier to just let go of this contraction, realize it is not real, just thoughts, let go and return to freedom and limitlessness. This will become very natural. Noticing when the ego returns is a key part of this process and practice of “remembering”. 🙂

Love,

Peter

Fear Arises

July 22, 2017
dear peter, this morning I woke up with tremendous fear. a couple of days I got the invitation from monte sahaja for a seven weeks stay at the ashram. I will work as a cook there but the main thing is to be in satsang with mooji. I applied for this months ago and its not easy to get an invitation because so many people want to be there. anyhow, i woke up with this fear and I saw that it appeared because of going to Portugal. I was staying with that fear while lying in bed and suddenly there was such a deep experience of “NO STORY”. Its hard to find words but “I” really could not remember the past – the past of the person susanne – there was just being. no past, no future. what a release again. now the fear is back. Its ok to have it but I want to know if this is ego deeply knowing that it can totally die during the time in moojis presence. or is it just another “mind fuck” (please excuse this word)? sending you love, susanne

July 22, 2017
Wonderful, Susanne, all the way around. 

Yes, it is very common for the ego to create intense fear before awakening. It is as if it is the only way it can cling to its position of the ruler of your life. But this same fear also makes you even less attached to it. This is very unpleasant, but it is not a bad thing at all. You are learning the experience of fear and no fear, concepts and no concepts, attachment and freedom. 

It is going very well, although it doesn’t always seem to be, such as when fear returns. There is probably a good chance you can wake up in Mooji’s presence. But let go of even this story. Just be. Moment to moment just be with whatever is. You’ll continue doing this after awakening anyway. Begin now. 

From reading your email, everything appears to be going very well. A 7 week stay at the ashram also seems to fit right into this. There are no accidents or coincidences. 

Don’t worry about the fear. Open to it. Let it be exactly what it is in each moment. It will teach you it is just ego, just concepts. And then it will dissolve. Let it teach you this. 

Nothing really dies. Illusions will remain in your brain as thoughts. You just won’t believe them any longer. That’s all. An illusion that is no longer believed as truth has zero power over you. It’s just a thought. The way to stop believing them is to open to them fully and allow you to directly see if there is any truth there or not. In the case of fear, there never is. But you must see this for yourself. And you do it by opening to it fully with no resistance and no wish anything were any different than it is. This is wonderful. This is True Healing. 

The energy at Mooji’s Ashram will help you open even more. Accept everything exactly as it is. Life is completely on your side, even if your ego is not. 🙂

Peter

July 23, 2017
I am so grateful for your guidance. Thank you so much. Bless you,  bless you, bless you. Susanne

August 27, 2017
Dear peter, I am on my way to mooji travelling through European by car and with every mile more fear arises.  I have no idea from where it comes from but its very very strong. I was so much looking forward to go to monte sahaja but now body and mind are shaking.  I never experienced this before. Is it the ego?  Even the body starts to get sick.  I will continue the journey but something is very frightened. From the middle of Spain,  susanne

August 27, 2017
Yes, Susanne, it is the ego. It is a long held habit and it is seeing that perhaps it won’t be in the driver’s seat much longer. Yikes! It’s not that the ego goes. It becomes a tool, like a hammer. And it was used to being the King or Queen. Now it’s just a hammer, a character used for presenting a self to the world. A huge demotion. So fear will come up when it feels threatened. It is also part of our survival mechanism which is where the ego originated from. So now there is this still subconscious fear of death and extinction. 

What you want to do is open to this fear fully. Embrace it. It is hard because it is so unpleasant and your natural instinct is to avoid it, push it away, repress it, escape from it. Do the opposite. Open to it. Welcome it. Let it be exactly as it is. Ask for even more so you get all of it. If you do this, the subconscious fears will become conscious. Now you can see them. And they’re not nearly as bad as they were when they were still subconscious. They are simply what they are. Fear of death. Fear of extinction. Allow death. Allow extinction. Embrace it. Welcome it. This will neutralize the fear. Instead of resisting and fearing death and extinction, you welcome them. The result, no more fear. 

Do you die? No. Are you extinct? No. You’re still here. But the ego is not in so much control. If you can say okay to death, okay to extinction, then the ego has no more control over you. Now you control it. It’s a character, a tool. You use it when it is useful. And the rest of the time you pay no attention to it. Put the hammer back in the drawer after you hammered in the nail. Use the ego when it is useful, answering to your name, etc. Forget about it when it’s not longer useful, which is most of the time. 

The effects of this fear can be strong. The body can feel sick. It is all about resistance. Once you stop resisting it, the effects on the body, the sickness, etc. will dissipate and eventually go away completely. When you stop resisting resistance, there is no more resistance. When you stop resisting fear, you are no longer afraid. 

Open to it. Accept it. Welcome it. Embrace it. Learn from it. It is natural for this to happen and it is a good sign. Mooji will tell you this. The ego is on the run. But you must not resist the ego either. Open to, accept, embrace everything. This way Truth will reveal itself. We don’t know what is illusion and what is Truth. We have to let Truth show us this. And we do this by not resisting anything, by welcoming everything. What is not Truth will fade away when we stop resisting it. What is Truth will just go stronger. 

Fear of death and extinction are the trump cards of the ego and illusion. They are the final tools in the arsenal of the ego. Once you accept them and say okay, this too. Illusion has nothing else to frighten you with. You’re free. 

So this experience is terribly unpleasant, as unpleasant as anything you have experienced. I understand. But it is also the best thing because now you have the opportunity to be completely free. Awakening is not always or probably ever an easy process. We have to let go of illusion and because of our strong attachments and resistance to letting go completely it is difficult. By accepting fully everything that comes, we let go of resistance and attachment. 

It’s not pleasant, but it’s also wonderful. Open to it fully and you will see. Perhaps you won’t even need to see Mooji. 

Love,

Peter

August 28, 2017
Bless you,  bless you,  bless you. I understand every word of your mail deeply.  This life is meant to wake up. No other choice.  No plan b. Thank you so much for your guidance.  you always find the right words to keep “me” going. Bless you! Susanne

August 29, 2017
When there is no other choice, awakening is inevitable. Here is a tip. If you place absolute Truth as the most important goal or the only goal of your life, you cannot fail. That way you will go through whatever lies in your path because you realize that 1. Whatever is not Truth will fall away when you stop resisting it and open to it fully. 2. Whatever is Truth will remain and deepen. If Truth is your only goal, then whatever appears on your path will be used for Truth. If it is not True, it will fade by itself. If it is True, it will deepen. This makes it easier to go through any unpleasant experiences on the path, such as the great fear of death and extinction. You don’t turn away from anything. You say, “Okay. That too. I will go through anything for Truth.”

I cannot see how you will not awaken, Susanne. You know that is for you in this life. That is the most important thing, perhaps the only thing that is really necessary: your determination. 

I am very happy to hear this. 

Love,

Peter

August 29, 2017
I bow to your feet! Susanne

August 29, 2017
Let me wash them first. 🙂

Peter

The Awakening

October 3, 2017
Dear peter, I left monte sahaja yesterday but I am invited to come back. Anyhow, I had no chance to ask mooji a profound question which was arising in my heart on my last day. During morning meditation there was suddenly the sense that “I” am in everything. I was sitting outside the hall in the sun and when people started to come out “I” saw always “me” in everyone . For hours I saw me in every flower, in every tree, even in stones and even “things “. But there was still a sense of ego at the same time. It was so beautiful anyhow. I was crying and my whole body was shaking for hours. Now its even more beautiful because after this experience I  can see and even feel a great stillness in everything. Its soooooo beautiful. So deep, so vast,  so holy… beyond words.  I am deeply in love with it. This stillness is the source of the whole universe and yet untouched at the same time. I am so full of love and gratitude to be able to experience this. To be with it in every second. I still sense me as a person.  I am not one with it. I  know that I am but I can’t sense it. Is there anything “to do”?. My feeling says: be with it and love it. Or shall I start asking: who is watching this?  There will be an open satsang next sunday at moojis. I am still in the area and hopefully he will call me to the mircofon on sunday . But I would be be grateful for your advise too. Sending you love,  susanne

October 3, 2017
Hi Susanne,

How totally wonderful. I wonder if it is okay to share what you wrote because it is a beautiful description of awakening. 

Still, you have the sense of a person, a little lingering personhood. You are totally aware of this. It is not a problem. Just stay with this beautiful feeling. Here is Truth. This beautiful feeling of wide awareness, of seeing yourself in everything, of the falling away of separation, is Truth. Simply stay here. This will eventually outshine any lingering sense of separation. Right now you can see how small this sense of separate personhood is compared to this great expansive experience of non-separation, of freedom from the illusion of separation. It is outshining the illusion. You don’t have to do anything. It is already being done. 

Exactly, “be with it and love it”. You are of course one with this great freedom, otherwise you could not experience it. It is not coming from somewhere else. It IS YOU. 

I am very, very happy to hear this. It brings tears of gratitude and love to my eyes. I am so happy. This is wonderful, Susanne. Thank you. Just stay with this. Truth is doing everything now. And you are not fighting it any longer. How totally wonderful. 

Please let me share this email with others as I think it will really help them. If you want me to take your name out, I can do that. 

Wonderful. Wonderful. And please give my love to Mooji.

Love,

Peter

October 4, 2017
Of course you can share my letter, dear peter. With my name,  its totally ok. And thank you so much for your support and for confirming this process of awakening. Its very important for me. Your guidance is so precious and such a gift. I am a writer as you might know. One day I would love to skype with you if you agree because I want to suggest you to my publisher.  Your posts on fb are so helpful and it would be great to publish them as a book.  Now I go back to my beloved silence. Love you, full of gratitude,  susanne

 

Comment on these emails

Susanne is so good at describing her experiences here. Her great determination, even when she first wrote to me, showed me that it was inevitable she would awaken. I’m not surprised, but still very happy and grateful. Nothing could hold her back. It is natural for fear to arise as we get closer. Often this fear is greater than any fear we’ve ever experienced before. It is the terror of death and extinction. This is what the ego separate self-identity is created from. As we get closer this is revealed. It has nothing to do with thoughts, this is a very primal, visceral direct experience. We feel it. Susanne’s determination for Truth was so strong that she went through this fear rather than backing down or succumbing to it, even though part of her wanted to. As a result, she awakened. There is more to come. There always is. But the strength of this awakening and her commitment to it, I feel will carry her through any other obstacles by itself. This is a strong awakening. The Dharma Wheel has turned. Yay!