Warm greetings from the Zendo on a snowy Sedona day.
A Sacred Place
I always learn so much every time I meditate up on top of Cathedral Rock in Sedona. It is a great teacher to me. I imagine that Ramana Maharshi didn’t just worship Arunachala, the holy mountain where he lived, but that he too learned from it. It might be strange to say that a rock can teach us. But I cannot deny this for it is so.
I have a very powerful connection with Cathedral Rock. There are many sacred places in Sedona I could choose to spend time with. But Cathedral Rock has called me, probably not that different from Ramana being called from his home by the holy mountain Arunachala. I can’t really explain it. Perhaps everyone has a sacred place that calls them. They just may not have heard it yet.
Actually there is no place on earth that is not sacred. But some specific places seem to call to us with more force than others. I don’t know why this is.
The Koan
Over five years ago, when I was first called to Sedona, I was given this koan: “The rocks and you are exactly the same. There is not an inch of difference between you.” Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that the name Peter means rock. But that’s not what this koan is about. If you are not familiar with the term koan, it is a Zen practice for awakening. It is a simple phrase Zen teachers give to their students like, “Show me your Original Face before your parents were born.” When this phrase sinks deeply into the student’s consciousness, it is like a seed deeply planted in fertile soil. Eventually this seed grows and blossoms into a beautiful and profound awakening. Unlike the seed of a plant, the seed of a koan continues blossoming as there is no end to awakening. It blossoms infinitely.
This koan was given to me by the rocks, specifically Cathedral Rock and Thunder Mountain. You could also say it was given to me by the infinite consciousness that all things emerge from. It is the same thing. This koan sunk deeply into my consciousness. And it continues to blossom every day manifesting in beautiful flowers of increasingly deep insight.
Tree People
For the last month or so every time I pass one certain tree on my ascent up Cathedral Rock, out of the corner of my eye I very clearly see a person. I alway look and there is not a person, but that same tree. It’s strange that this would always happen the same way at the same spot with that same tree. Today I realized why. In my previous life, I didn’t just consider humans people. I considered trees, tree people, rocks, rock people, birds, bird people. That was my relationship with all that is. I had a great deal of respect and love for all that is. I didn’t see human people as better than tree people, rock people or bird people. There was an experience of Oneness. When I said, “All my ancestors.” there was nothing left out of that expression. My ancestors included trees, rocks, birds, the sun, the stars, the great mother earth herself. This was a few hundred years ago and today, in our sophisticated modern society, some people may consider this primitive. But I don’t consider it primitive at all. I consider it truth.
And what Cathedral Rock did was simply remind me of this, remind me of my old ways, remind me of truth that much of our modern, sophisticated society seems to have forgotten. This is what I mean when I say that Cathedral Rock is always teaching me.
But that wasn’t the only lesson I was to receive today. When I reached the top, I sat in meditation as I always do, welcoming and being welcomed by the sun, the rocks and the wind. Since it was a weekend, there were many people up there. Cathedral Rock is one of the most popular hiking destinations in Sedona. This is not the first time I wondered why I was called to such a popular place when there are far quieter and more remote places to meditate. Today Cathedral Rock showed me why.
Human People
Human people are generally a pretty noisy bunch. They love to talk and comment on whatever is going on. And this trait may be even more prominent when they are on vacation and they come upon such a beautiful place. I’ve gotten used to this, but I can’t say I enjoy it. And don’t forget, Cathedral Rock is a very holy place for me. What some people may experience entering a great cathedral, an ashram or a Zen monastery, I experience on Cathedral Rock. It is a very sacred space for me. And with all the noise going on, it’s sometimes a little hard to hear what the rocks have to tell me.
Today I learned that much of my reaction was due to traumas I experienced as a child. My father used to tell me that “humans are the number one bad animal”. He loved animals and all nature, but he didn’t feel the same about humans. He said that humans are the only species that kill each other and they kill other species just for fun. He spent a long time in the military during World War II. He began before the US was even involved. He saw a lot of death up close. Both my parents were alcoholic and there was a lot of violence in my home. I learned early on to be afraid of adult humans. And this fear and reason for fear was reinforced outside the home as well.
Sitting up on Cathedral Rock, I felt completely at one with the rock people, the tree people, the sky people, the sun people, the wind people, the bird people. I felt at home, at one and in love with all these people, with only one exception – the human people. This reflected my early childhood as well. I could sit out in the middle of the forest on a pitch black moonless night, listening to the sounds of the night animals, and feel completely safe and at home. In fact, I felt completely at one with everything in nature. I did this a lot because it was not always as safe in my house. In my house, there were humans. And they didn’t make me feel safe the way I felt in the forest. And here, up on Cathedral Rock, I was experiencing this again. I wasn’t afraid of the humans who were chattering away. But I was resisting them. I was not including them in the great circle of oneness that included everything else. This was a great and valuable teaching for me. That is why this popular, crowded place, filled with chattering humans, was the perfect place for my spiritual practice and education.
Little by little, I included the humans into this circle of oneness, this circle of unconditional love, this circle of truth. I realized that everything that I perceived, the rocks, trees, sun, wind were all simply expressions of this one, infinite, formless, un-manifested presence. I could feel this deeply throughout my entire being. And I was also none other than an expression of this infinite, eternal presence. So why leave humans out of this truth? Everything is an expression of this one timeless presence. And everything IS this one timeless presence. And that means all humans, just like these wonderful humans chattering away up here. And then I opened completely. I was no longer resisting. Rocks, trees, wind, birds, humans all one expression of the infinite and timeless presence. My heart exploded in love. It reached throughout all space and time. And then I saw the exquisite beauty of these humans. While I was resisting, I could not see it. This essential goodness was radiating from all of them. One young man climbed down a very steep part of the rock to retrieve plastic water bottles other hikers had thrown there. Another man was talking about working with autistic children and I could feel his love and compassion. Everywhere the flower of humanity was revealed to me. What I had perceived as annoying chattering showing a lack of respect for this sacred space, I now realized was instead pure love. It could no longer be hidden by my previous stored and repressed traumas.
For most of us, it is relatively easy to love nature and feel comfortable in nature, just as it is for me. Humans are more challenging. But humans are also nature and cannot be separate from nature. Humans are a bit of a paradox. On one hand they are the only species we know of who can fully awaken to their True Infinite Self. On the other hand few ever do. Although that is beginning to change. But, even at their most ignorant, they are pure expressions of the infinite and eternal presence that is the source and substance of all things. I guess sometimes I forget that. And, like a great teacher and loving mother, Cathedral Rock always seems to give me exactly what I need exactly when I need it.
I’m feeling that my next stop may be Times Square in New York. If I can sit in the middle of that bustling caldron of humanity and feel nothing but perfect peace and love, I think the lesson begun on top of Cathedral Rock will have truly manifested. It may take a little longer than an hour. I may have to give it a few days. Life gives us so many opportunities to practice, to learn, to grow. Whatever we need always arises as soon as we need it. The trick is paying attention. Throughout most of my life I missed most of these great gifts, almost all of them. I didn’t know how to pay attention. I didn’t even know I should. I lived in a dream world. Until I began meditating, I didn’t even know how to be quiet enough to pay attention. But that’s okay. That’s the course of a human life. We’re always moving, always evolving, always learning. Truth has never been kept from us. We’ve just spent a lot of time being distracted and not paying attention. When we begin paying attention, we begin to see our sacred place everywhere.
Your Past Never Happened
Your past never happened, at least not the way you think it did. This is quite a profound realization. It is extraordinarily healing. And it is very true as you will soon see.
Many of us are not yet able to deeply experience the present moment, but, if you are, try this. Allow yourself to simply be fully present. Let all past worries and concerns melt away. Be here now. Allow your attention to soften and expand, taking in more of what is here. Notice that your awareness is actually very vast and has no boundaries or limits. You are aware of what you see, hear, sense and feel. But even more than this, you are aware of awareness itself, of being awareness itself beyond any limitations of a separate self. In this vast awareness, this is what is happening right now.
Now imagine if you could capture this experience of presence in a memory or thought. How could you? It is far too vast and inclusive to be contained in any thought or memory. There is just far too much here. What was really happening in your past was this, this vast, all-inclusive presence. And no memory could ever capture this.
If you were to sit down with five people you shared a moment in the past with and deeply discussed your experiences of that event, you would find that there were five different memories of that event. How can this be? Each person has a different memory. On the very superficial level, it may seem like you are speaking about the same event. But, as you go deeper, it is clear that each of you have a different impression of that past event, a different memory. Each of you was affected in a different way. To you, your memory of that event is the correct one. You know that is what happened. It is your memory, so it must be true. That is your experience.
But is it?
Memories
Memories are interesting things. They are like a tiny fraction of what actually happens. When we truly experience presence, we realize it is impossible to place that experience into a memory or even a thought. A memory is just a thought attached to and held on to for a period of time. The original thought is not even one percent of what was actually happening in that moment. Over time this thought deteriorates and changes a great deal, making memories even less accurate than the original thought that occurred in that moment. Many studies have been done showing the extremely poor accuracy of memories.
Problems With Eye Witness Testimony
Stanford Law School
The original thought was only your limited impression of what occurred in that moment. Like all thoughts it is only a limited abstraction of the fullness of the moment. The moment is interpreted through the limited perspective of a limited, separate self – you. It is not an impression of the moment that takes in everything that is happening and everyone else’s perspective. That would be far more accurate.
Change Your Memory / Change Your Past
Let’s say you have a childhood memory of being punished or severely scolded by a parent. Your memory of this may be that the parent was cruel, unfair and didn’t even love you. This is the very limited perspective of a child. Yet you may keep this memory of your childhood all the way up into your adult life. This is your memory of childhood. And you are totally convinced this is the way it was. This becomes part of the story of me, of who you are. This is why I am the way I am today. You may have told this same story to many people. And you keep telling it today, both to others and to yourself. On each telling, it feels more real, more solid, more true.
Now what if you looked at that same memory and simply expanded it just a little. You know your childhood perspective. That’s what your memory is. But what if you expanded it just a little to include your parent’s perspective? Is it really true that your parent was cruel, unfair and didn’t love you? Were there any moments in your life when your parent was not cruel and unfair, when they showed that they did love you? Did that ever happen? If you can remember any moment when your parent did love you, then perhaps they still loved you at the moment they were punishing you or scolding you. If you have become a parent yourself, you will understand this. Perhaps they were actually punishing or scolding you in that moment because they loved you. Maybe they were not as skillful as they could have been. If you are now a parent yourself, you know how that goes.
See if you can remember that same event, but now include your parent’s perspective too. This will open up and expand your memory. It will actually change your memory and thus your past. Instead of only the memory of one person – you, you are including the memories of the other people involved. In this way, a more accurate representation of the past begins to form. If you are able to be present, you know this is still a very limited representation of the past. No accurate memory of the past is possible because no thought or memory can include all that is in any moment. Thoughts and memories can only encompass a very small and limited piece of the whole scene.
The memory of your parent scolding you probably does not also contain the sound of the bird chirping outside your open window, or the feel of the breeze on your skin coming through that same window. It probably doesn’t include the spider crawling across the wall behind your parent’s head or the small crack in the paint that wasn’t there just the day before. And, as we already mentioned, it probably doesn’t include the feeling of great love and concern your parent is feeling toward you that is prompting this fear and anger that you did experience. There is infinitely more that your memory does not include. It is like reading a great novel and out of the entire book only remembering that a body was scolded by his father or found a quarter on the street. All the other characters and events were completely forgotten, to say nothing of their perspective on all the events.
By freeing your memory from the prison of its limited perspective and opening it even a little more fully, your impression of your past will change completely. It will still be very limited, but far less limited than it is now. As you continue doing this, eventually your memories as something real will simply dissolve. You will realize that the past and present are exactly the same. There is only this full experience of the present moment always and forever. It includes everything, not only every perspective, but literally everything.
This is why I say that your past never happened. You may have pictures pasted into a photo album to prove that you were at one time a young child. And even that you had a bizarre haircut in one picture. Yes, that is true. But your memories of that time are not really what was happening back then. And the pictures are still going to be seen through those memories, until you change the memories, which you now see is very possible. What was happening back during the time that photograph was taken, was exactly what is happening right now. It was just a present moment, full of everything that exists. Just as it is right now.
Is It True?
If memories of your past are causing you problems or suffering today, take a closer look at those memories. Are they really true? Are they accurate? Is what you remember everything that was happening back then or just a very tiny piece of it? And has even that tiny piece of your original experience remained the same for all these years? Or has it, instead, shifted and changed to make the story more dramatic and interesting, to make you more interesting, to make you the focus of the story, to make you the focus of all stories? What, if anything, of that memory that seemed so important to you is actually true?
And, if it isn’t true, why continue holding on to it? If you can see that this memory isn’t true, that, at best, it only holds the tiniest sliver of what was actually occurring back then, then perhaps the other memories are also not true. Perhaps the whole story of your past, of who you think you are, is not as true as you once thought. Don’t be frightened. This is actually a good thing. It’s a wonderful thing. It is very freeing. As your belief in your past begins to crumble and fade, your experience of presence opens up. Your experience of your True, Unlimited Self begins to come forward and be revealed.
The Only True Healing
There is nothing that can be more healing than this, than the truth of things as they actually are. When you no longer identify with this separate, independent self, created out of all the stories, thoughts and memories of your past, all those old traumas just fade away. This is true healing. This heals everything. It heals the story of the separate self that experienced all those traumas and suffering. In presence, in life as it actually is, there are no problems. There is no suffering.
In Zen, we call carrying memories of the past into the present “dragging a corpse with us.” Until we free ourselves of attachment to our memories, thoughts and beliefs, it is as if we are carrying a corpse with us wherever we go. Our memories of the past create a thick veil over the present so we cannot perceive life as it is in each moment. Our experience of the present is filtered through the past preventing us from directly experiencing it as it is. Only by surrendering these attachments can we wake up and see the world as it is. But this can be done. You can do this. Simply by looking deeply at your memories and honestly questioning their truth just as we’ve done here, your attachments will dissolve. You will let go of what is not true and make room for what is. You will come into alignment with truth. And this is the only healing you will ever need.
The Embodied Divine
There is a junction where the un-manifest meets the manifest, where the formless meets form. It is like the meeting point of ocean and wave. In this meeting point the un-manifest becomes manifest, the formless becomes form, the ocean takes the form of a wave and the Divine is embodied.
And you are that meeting point, that channel for the embodied Divine. Not only you, but everything you see, hear, taste and touch. It is all an expression of the formless in form, an expression of the Divine in matter.
Suchness
In Zen, we use the word Suchness to describe this meeting point. When we see a person or object, we see both the form and the formless it is an expression of and cannot exist without. We see both the manifest and the un-manifest, both the material and the Divine. In this way everything is seen as essentially One. There is no separation anywhere. No manifest form can exist without the un-manifest it is an expression of. When we truly realize this deep in our own experience as both manifest and un-manifest, we are free from the conditioned concepts of this and that or this versus that. Nothing appears as separate and independent any longer. Our own identity is no longer separate and independent. It includes all that exists, both form and formless, both manifest and un-manifest, both material and Divine.
In this way, we are free to see life as it is without limiting it to concepts or beliefs. How can you describe this? How can you contain this in any thought or concept? It is unlimited, infinite, beyond all thoughts of space or time.
A Concept To Free You From Other Concepts
This meeting point is also a concept used here to free you from the other concepts that are limiting you. The manifest and un-manifest, form and formless, material and Divine have never been separate so there is really no meeting point between two separate things. There is just what is. And what is is beyond description or any concept.
In this moment, you are both manifest and un-manifest, both form and formless, both material and Divine. You are both the wave and the ocean.
Shifting Attention
Through most of our lives our attention was directed exclusively to form alone. And I include thoughts and feelings as form. Our attention rarely, if ever, strayed to the formless which is always here and which no form could exist without, just as no wave could exist without the ocean. As we begin to awaken, our attention begins to include the formless. At first this may happen with sudden flashes of realization. In Zen, we call these moments Satori, or clear seeing. As this happens more frequently and for longer periods of time, our attention begins to rest as much on the formless as it does on form. Eventually we realize that there has never been any separation between form and formless. They have always been One, just as the wave has never been separate from the ocean.
All form arises from the formless. All that is manifest arises from the un-manifest. All that is material arises from the Divine and can never be separate from it. All that is manifest has the nature to be constantly changing, a dynamic expression of the un-manifest. Only the un-manifest in its un-manifest state can be said to be unchanging as it has not yet manifest to change. Manifest and un-manifest inter-are. They are One. When we talk about Oneness or nonduality, this is what we mean. Nowhere in all existence can anything stand by itself alone.
If you are able in meditation to surrender your attention to form and relax back into the formless, to surrender all concepts and thoughts, to enjoy this vast infinite spaciousness, you cannot help but experience the oneness of form and formless. All separation dissolves. If you are fully present, you cannot help but notice this dynamic play of form ceaselessly arising from and returning to the formless.
Here you truly experience the absolute and undeniable perfection of all life.
The Enlightened Rainbow
Most of us love rainbows. They are beautiful. And they also have much to teach us about life and truth. One of the reasons we love rainbows so much is because they are clearly so temporary. As soon as the sun sets, where is the rainbow? When there is less moisture in the air, where is the rainbow? Rainbows usually don’t even last for a full hour or even close to it. They appear like magic and disappear just as quickly. And this is why we love them. It’s a wonderful treat to see a rainbow because they are rare and very temporary. You better look while it’s there because it won’t be here for long.
And this temporariness is part of a rainbow’s great beauty. If a rainbow lasted for days or years, it would not have the same impact. We’d begin to take it for granted. “Oh, yes that old thing. It’s always there.” The short life of each rainbow is a big part of its appeal.
Everything Changes
The temporariness of a rainbow points to a very important fundamental truth about all of life. It’s temporary. If you have grown children, you can remember and even have photographs of them when they were just born. They were so cute and tiny, usually weighing less than ten pounds. You could hold them in one hand. Imagine if their body remained that same size throughout their life. It would seem pretty strange when they were twenty and still weighed less than ten pounds. So the body of your child has been changing all the time. At one point they could neither walk nor talk. Now they may never seem to shut up. 🙂
Everything in life is changing. Your body will also not remain the way it is today. The lifespan of a rainbow may only be a few minutes. The lifespan of your body, including all its changes, may be eighty or ninety years. There is a difference between the lifespan of a rainbow and the lifespan of a human body. But both are impermanent. Both begin and end. It is only a matter of how long this takes.
No Separate, Independent Self
There is something else very important about rainbows. They cannot exist without certain elements existing. If there is no sunlight, there is no rainbow. Rainbows don’t occur at night. If there is no moisture in the air, rainbows also can’t occur. Rainbows depend entirely on other things for their very existence, like sunlight and moisture in the atmosphere, among many other things. I think this is pretty clear.
We all understand this about rainbows, but we don’t really consider how much this is also true for ourselves. Just like a rainbow, there are many things that are absolutely necessary for our existence. Our body could not exist if our parents had never met for instance. And then of course there is air, water and food. It is obvious that this body could not last long without these essentials. Most of us don’t consider all the things that the very existence of this body depends on when we think of our body and ourselves as separate and independent. Just as a rainbow cannot be separate and independent from sunlight and moisture, we cannot be separate and independent from the many things that are necessary for our existence.
The Three Seals
In Buddhism we call this the realization of non-self. Not only rainbows and bodies cannot exist separately and independently, but nothing can. The realization of non-self and the realization of impermanence are two of the universal truths that lead to awakening. These are known as two of the Three Seals. They are called Seals because they represent universal truths. The third of the Three Seals is Nirvana or the extinction of all concepts. Concepts, thoughts and language all divide the world up into separate and independent things. Since no separate and independent thing can actually exist, all concepts are fundamentally false. When all concepts are let go, we encounter the truth of life directly.
Nirvana
When we realize fully that a rainbow is impermanent, that it is changing all the time, even while we can still see it, and that it cannot exist independently and separately from all the other elements that are necessary for it to exist, then our concept of a rainbow dissolves. Only then can we truly see a rainbow for what it is, not separate from anything else in the universe. This is true seeing. This is the seeing of Nirvana. Each of these Three Seals (universal truths) we can realize from deeply observing a rainbow. We can actually learn this from deeply observing anything because everything contains the same universal truth. But observing a rainbow might be more fun, if you like that sort of thing. 🙂
The Body
What is the body made of? If we look carefully, we can see it is made of only four elements: earth, air, fire and water.
Earth is the body’s bones, skin, teeth. Fire is the heat generated in all living bodies. Water is in our flowing blood and in every cell. The body is mostly water. And air is not only the exchange of oxygen necessary for the life of our cells, but also the vast space between molecules that is true of all physical matter. Earth, air, fire and water.
When you sit silently in nature, these four elements of the body become very clear. This body is not separate from the earth it sits on. Without this earth element, it could not exist. This body is not separate from the sun that shines on it. Without the sun, this body could not exist. This body cannot be separate from water or air. Without these the body also could not exist. If you removed even one of these elements, the body could not be here.
What Is This Thing Called A Body?
If you too can see this clearly, then answer me this. What is this thing you call “my body”? Is it a separate, independent thing, separate from the rest of life? How can it be? Without the earth, the sun, water and air, it cannot exist for even a single moment. So it is not separate and independent from these things. How about parents? Could this body exist if your parents had never met? And, you know, this chain of ancestors goes back a very long ways, even before the human species existed. Could this body exist without even a single one of those ancient ancestors meeting? So this body cannot really be separate and independent from any of them.
If you look carefully you cannot find any evidence at all that this body is separate and independent from anything else. Don’t take my word for it. Try it and see for yourself. Let me know if you find any evidence of this body’s separate and independent self-nature. I’m very interested in hearing what you discover.
This is all very clear, is it not? It’s quite obvious. Perhaps you have not looked at your body in this way before. You may perceive the body as separate, independent and unique. You may call it “my body” as if it really were separate from all the other bodies, from all your ancestors, from earth, air, heat and water. This experience of a separate, independent body is part of our conditioning. It is also why we feel that we are a separate, independent self separated from the rest of life. But, if we look carefully, we can see that there is no evidence for this. The evidence is, in fact, just the opposite. There is no separate, independent body, just as there is no separate, independent self.
The Fifth Element
There is a fifth element we haven’t mentioned yet. This element may not yet be so obvious. It is what animates the body, giving it what we call life. And it is also the substance of all life, including earth, air, fire and water. We have many names for this fifth element, which is not really an element at all. Some call it Spirit, Consciousness, God, the Formless, the Un-manifest, Emptiness, etc. But no name can really describe what this is. It cannot be seen and yet it is very much here. In deep silence, when you are really paying attention, when you are really listening, perhaps you can feel it. Nothing that exists is ever separate from this.
Oneness
Oneness or non-duality are not really concepts at all. They are, instead, the end of concepts. They are simply freedom from the conditioned concepts of separation and independence. If you look carefully and pay attention, it is clear that separation and independence cannot exist – not in a body and not in a self. That we experience life as separate and independent is only the result of our conditioned thoughts. It is much like a sleeping dream. When we wake up, we realize this has never been true.
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